the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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