No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.