this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
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I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny