I cockslap morals
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.