Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.