My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.