She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
