Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
