Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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