Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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