so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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