I love black thongs
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
