Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
