Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
