JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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