She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
