Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
