Can i not drive my cunt home
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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