i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
