Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What a dumb baby whore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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