Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
