Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
