Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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