next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
