brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
