I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
