I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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