i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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