im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Randomize
