she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
