i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
