I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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