Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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