i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
