If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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