he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
