college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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