I am puke
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize