Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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