When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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