hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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