That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
