like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
