I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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