Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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