Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drake has all the answers
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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