Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
