I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize