I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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