never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
