wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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