watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
