Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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