just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
