I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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