My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
