Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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