Sry I called you an 8
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
