I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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