so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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