Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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