You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
