Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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