Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize