if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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