Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
