Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
